


When Time Is All We Have

by AndiinaRaethTash



Series: When All We Had Was Eternity [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Gen, Post-Episode: s04e10 Jedi Night, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-20 13:00:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19377214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndiinaRaethTash/pseuds/AndiinaRaethTash
Summary: Catalyst: an agent that provokes or speeds significant change or action.Kanan Jarrus was prepared to die. The Force apparently wasn't ready to let him. So when Kanan wakes up to find himself nearly three and a half years in the past, he must decide what to change, and what can stay the same, as he tries to give his family the happy ending they deserve.





	1. Returning

_“Kanan!” Hera screamed as the Jedi held back the explosion with the Force and sheer willpower. Behind him, he felt her try to run toward him, desperate to get him out of there, or at least be with him. Turning, he grabbed her with the Force and gently shoved her back into the ship, into Ezra's waiting arms. He met her eyes as the Force flowed through him, and he felt a rush of peace flow through him as his eyesight finally cleared and let him see her beautiful face one last time. Right behind her, he could see Ezra clearly for the first time since Malachor. He could see the young man his Padawan had become, and pride filled his heart as he realized how far he had come._

_He met Hera's eyes again, committing her face to memory._

_‘I love you,’ he thought, before shoving the ship away from the exploding fuel tank and relinquishing his hold on the massive fireball. As the intense heat consumed him, he smiled, because his family, the woman he loved their unborn child and his surrogate children, they were safe. And they would never stop fighting for him._

________

Kanan jerked upright, nearly headbutting the person in front of him. His heartbeat was thundering in his ears, blocking any and all sound as he tried to breath. His lungs ached strangely as if he hadn't been able to breathe and he gasped, trying to draw in air. Around him, the Force practically screamed that something huge had happened, but all Kanan could focus on was how not dead he felt, considering that he was pretty sure the explosion had killed him. His eyes darted around frantically as he tried to take in the colors around him, because he could actually see again and _kriff he couldn't breathe._

“-nan! Kanan, love, focus on my voice!” The speaker's voice finally filtered through the fog in his brain, and he struggled to obey. “That's it, that's it… yeah, Zeb, he's okay now. I think.” 

Somewhere behind the speaker, a gruff voice muttered, “Great, because I was so worried.”

Kanan blinked hard, trying to get his eyesight to go back into focus, and when it finally did, he was met by concerned green eyes in a beautiful green face. “Hera?” He whispered hoarsely. 

The Twi'lek nodded, glancing over her shoulder at something- or someone- before returning her focus back to the man she was kneeling in front of. “Yeah, it's me. Glad you're back with us. You gave us quite a scare.” She stood and cleared Kanan's field of vision, and he realized that he was seated in the copilot's chair in the cockpit of the Ghost. But how in the name of the Force did he get here? How had they saved him? Had Ezra done something stupid or- 

Kanan realized with a start and a thrill of fear that froze his blood that he couldn't feel his bond with his Padawan. It wasn't that Ezra was too far away, or that he was unconscious; the bond itself was completely gone. Which meant that Ezra was- was- 

Hera's face was suddenly back, fear visible in her eyes again and suffocating in the Force. “Kanan? What's wrong?” 

Kanan forced himself to speak, but it took a couple tries to get his voice working properly. “I can't feel him…” 

Hera furrowed her brow, confusion obvious on her face. “Can't feel who?”

Kanan met her eyes, confusion on his face, too. She had to know who he was talking about. Ezra was the one person who he could always feel, the only person that Kanan would immediately panic over if the connection was lost. What was going on? “What?” was all he managed, though, because he couldn't sum up all those feelings of totally not understanding why she wasn't understanding in any other way. 

Hera took it the wrong way, though. “You said, ‘I can't feel him.’ Who? Who can you not feel?” Her eyes darted around his face nervously, and she licked her lips before asking in a hushed voice, “Is this a… a Force thing?” 

Kanan shrugged, bracing his head against a hand to try to stave of the headache that was threatening to split his skull open. “Probably.” 

He didn't give any other answer, but Hera still tensed up in front of him, as if his admission was strange. Then again, her question, and the hesitance with which she asked it were really strange. She hadn't hesitated to ask him about Jedi-related stuff since before they'd met Ezra- 

The thought made him freeze, mostly because the moment it crossed his mind, the Force sang like he'd stumbled upon the answer to the question he didn't know he'd been asking. But how? How was it before they'd met Ezra? There was no record of Jedi time-traveling, and even disregarding the how, there was the why, and the when. 

Realizing that he was probably scaring Hera, and Zeb, too, since he was apparently here, Kanan shook his head to clear it, then stood up. Hera pursed her lips, and behind her, Kanan could see Zeb tense like he was preparing to catch him if he fell over. Kanan barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the pair's obvious worry and brushed past them with a brusque “I'm fine, I just need some time alone.” 

Zeb let him pass, but Kanan heard him ask Hera as he strode through the ship, “We sure he's going to be okay?”

The shrug in Hera's voice was obvious; Kanan was used to reading her body language without looking at her. “Maybe. But this is a Force thing, so the best we can do is let him sort it out on his own.” 

Kanan barely resisted a snort. No, the best anyone could do was find Ezra so he could help Kanan meditate and figure out what in the name of the Force was going on.

**_______ **

A quick holonet search and a long meditation gave him a few answers. It was only a few days before they were set to meet Ezra, as they had a job lined up on Lothal to steal supplies and redistribute them. Kanan knew that Ezra would end up stealing one of the crates and they would end up having to save his hide only to sort of kidnap him to rescue the Wookies, and end up entangling him in a war that he had no business being a part of. Still, Kanan knew that Ezra thought that becoming part of the Ghost's crew was one of the best things that ever happened to him, so Kanan resolved to let that play out as it should.

There was another reason that Kanan wanted to let things play out like they had. The more he changed, the less he could predict what was going to happen, and thus, the less he’d be able to fix things. Knowing the problem was half the solution, after all, so while he could make sure that Ezra didn’t become a part of their crew, that would make most of the intel he was working off of useless. Add to that the fact that he didn’t want Ezra to not become a part of their crew, and he knew some things would have to stay the same. 

He did, however, decide that he was going to go easier on the kid this time around. And he was going to start training him immediately. No way was Kanan going to let him go through some of the things they'd gone through last time untrained again. He was going to protect him better this time, he promised himself. And he was going to make sure that Ezra knew he was part of the family, and not a burden. 

There were other things he knew he needed to do this time around, as well. He'd been given a chance to change things for the better, and he wasn't about to waste it. There were people he could save- Ahsoka, for one, and if he was very careful and very lucky, Ezra's parents. He also decided he was going to tell Hera about his feelings for her sooner. They hadn't had nearly enough time. 

Emerging from his room again was a bit of a startling experience, if only because a sixteen-year-old Sabine was leaning casually against the wall by his door. Kanan managed to cover his surprise with a scowl, hoping that he hadn't changed so much in three and a half years that he was unable to act like he should. He knew he'd gotten less cocky, more stable and more compassionate, but hopefully he could channel his younger self well enough not to raise any eyebrows. 

“Were you just waiting for me to come out of my room?” Kanan demanded, internally wincing at how snappish he was being, but honestly, if he hadn't snapped, they would have known something was wrong. And he didn't want to have to explain Force-damned time-travel. 

Sabine just raised an eyebrow. “Zeb said you passed out in the cockpit. I wanted to make sure you're okay.” 

Kanan managed a defeated sigh, running his hand through his- surprisingly long- hair. He couldn't get over how physically different he felt. Besides the fact that he could see again, his beard was neater and shorter that it had been in a couple of years, and several scars that he was supposed to gain in the next few years weren't bothering him with phantom aches. It was by far the most bizarre thing about this whole experience. 

Next to him, Sabine shifted and he realized she was waiting for a reply. “Yeah,” he managed. “But I'm good now. I swear, it was just…” He trailed off, not sure what excuse to use without lying or sounding crazy. 

Sabine nodded and pushed off of the wall. “Yeah, he told me about that part, too. If it gets worse, let us know, okay? We need to know that you're okay.” She looked away, clearly kind of embarrassed to show that much concern, but Kanan just huffed a laugh. 

“I will, but it should be fine. I've got it under control again.” 

There. That sounded significantly younger-Kanan-esque, and he wasn't lying. He didn't look at Sabine, but paid attention to what she was projecting through the Force. He had to stop himself from breathing a sigh of relief when she nodded and walked down the corridor toward the common room. 

“Good,” she said. She called over her shoulder before she disappeared, “Oh, and you're on dish duty tonight!” 

Kanan sighed and shook his head, a wry grin on his face. Some things never change.  



	2. Reuniting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting Ezra. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I lied. It's not a few days, but I got impatient, and the fact that anyone was reading this made me want to get it out that much sooner. I know I hate waiting for the rest of a story.  
> Something I forgot to say in last chapter's notes: this is a six-part series. Most of the series will be at least two chapters, usually more, except maybe the third one. Depends on whether or not I feel like splitting it. Also, most of the the parts will be either a rewrite of an episode, a rewrite of multiple episodes, or the fallout from an episode. There. I think that's everything.

Meeting Ezra again was hard. The moment the orange and blue blur dropped down onto one of the speeders, Kanan had to suppress the urge to grin and greet his Padawan, instead scowling (and stars, he'd forgotten how much he'd done that) and chasing him down. The main difference this time was that he focused less on catching the thief and more on fighting off the Stormtroopers who also gave chase. He still caught up with Ezra, and had to physically restrain himself from hugging the kid. When said kid took off with the crate of blasters, Kanan finally let himself laugh, because he'd forgotten just how young and childish he had been.

When they finally got Ezra on board, Kanan took a moment to compare Ezra as he'd looked in the final moments before the explosion with the one he was faced with now. His hair was longer, an unruly dark blue mop that framed his young face. His blue eyes weren't haunted by the pain that the war had brought, and he didn't have the scars on his left cheekbone from the Inquisitor's lightsaber. He was also extremely hyper. Force, how did the kid have this much energy?

Still, that didn’t prevent Kanan from scowling when Chopper came up to him and Hera, screaming that the strange miniature human was breaking into Kanan’s room. Without so much as a glance at Hera, he took off, climbing the ladder into the cockpit in record time. The door to his room hissed open, revealing Ezra, who had his back to Kanan, holding the blue lightsaber in front of him.

“Kid…” Kanan warned. Instantly Ezra turned around, startled and sheepish, but at the same time curious. Kanan didn’t give him the chance to start asking questions, though. “Give that to me, now. You could hurt yourself if you’re not careful.”

Reluctantly, Ezra handed it over. “It just… it called to me. I can’t explain it, but… you don’t believe me, do you?”

Kanan didn’t answer, just stared at him as he disassembled the weapon and hooked it onto his belt. After a moment, Ezra looked away, unable to take the intense gaze, and Kanan stepped aside in a clear dismissal.

It was hard. As much as he didn’t want to be rude to Ezra-- the kid was the closest thing Kanan had had to a son-- he couldn’t be too familiar with him. This version of Ezra didn’t know him, didn’t have the same experiences as the version he knew, and at this point, most definitely would not appreciate Kanan acting like he knew him.

Hera appeared next to him, watching as Ezra sauntered into the galley. “Did he take it?”

Kanan snorted softly. “He tried to take both.” Resting his hand on part of his lightsaber, he sighed. “But I guess we’ll see if he can do it.”

_______

He went into the transport ship knowing that it was a trap. He wanted to tell the others, but he was afraid they would think he was crazy. Instead, he just told Hera to keep the engines hot in case this was a setup, and urged Zeb, Sabine, and Chopper to move quickly once they were on board.

The moment Ezra raced around the corner, yelling at them to wait, Kanan straightened. “Trap?” He demanded, cutting the kid off. At Ezra’s nod, he muttered a curse-- mostly for show-- then grabbed Zeb’s arm and tugged him away.

When the firefight started, he grabbed Ezra to pull him along as the artificial gravity cut out. Pushing off of the walls, he instinctively put himself between Ezra and the troopers, mentally cursing the kid’s lack of any real weapon. An energy slingshot didn’t count. As soon as possible, Kanan was giving him a blaster. And then probably teaching him how to use it.

He hated himself for not staying at the airlock to make sure that Ezra made it inside, but if he hadn’t been captured, then the crew of the Ghost wouldn’t have found out where the Wookies were actually taken, and Kanan wasn’t sure he remembered where on Kessel they’d been taken. He’d make it up to him, but guilt churned in his gut as he climbed down from the dorsal gun after they jumped into hyperspace. He had to make this right.

_______

“No, no, no, no way! You cannot be serious!” Zeb yelled.

Hera cast a glare over her shoulder. “It’s our fault he was there!”

“C’mon, Hera, we just met this kid! We’re not going back for him!” Zeb protested, and Kanan glared at him.

“That makes it worse. We dragged him into this, we have to get him out. He’s a kid and we left him behind!”

Sabine shook her head, looking at the ground sadly. “They’ll be waiting for us.” Looking up at Kanan and Hera, she said, “We can’t save him.”

Kanan huffed. “Sabine, we owe it to him. We took his loot-- he stole it fair and square, and he probably needed it, so don’t argue-- and then we dragged him away from his home planet on a mission he didn’t ask for. We left him behind. And Zeb, just because he’s a kid, doesn’t mean they’ll ‘go easy on him.’ He knows about us, and the Wookies. There’s a very good chance they’ll interrogate him. Harshly. We can’t in good conscience leave him in Imperial hands.”

Zeb groaned. “Karabast…” Looking up, he slumped slightly in defeat. “Guess we’re going back then.”

Hera grinned triumphantly. “Setting course!”

_______

“Find Ezra. I’ll be ready,” Hera ordered from the top of the ramp as Kanan led the others on a charge down into the hanger. Sabine slowed enough to spray her signature starbird on the hanger’s floor with her combustible paint, then caught up as Zeb and Kanan crossed the threshold into the corridor.

Something nagged at the edge of Kanan’s mind, though, as they jogged into the hallway. Instinctively, he stopped and looked up, noting the air vents and trying to suppress a smile as he felt the familiar presence right above them. “Kid?” He called, throwing out an arm to keep Zeb from barreling ahead.

Sabine and Zeb started as Ezra dropped from the ceiling, cocking his head. The cadet’s helmet he was wearing hid his expression, but Kanan could read his Padawan’s body language well enough to know he was narrowing his eyes in suspicious curiosity. “How’d you know I was there?”

Kanan huffed a laugh and holstered his blaster. “Heard you moving around.”

Zeb scowled. “I didn’t hear anything.”

Ezra pulled his helmet off and scowled as he opened his mouth to say something, but the Stormtroopers barreling around the corner cut him off. Quickly, he chucked the helmet at them, hitting Agent Kallus straight in the chest.

Kanan pulled out his blaster again and let a few bolts loose, using the Force to aim instead of his eyes. Two of the stormtroopers dropped, and Kanan quickly grabbed Ezra’s arm and yanked the kid ahead of him so that Kanan was between him and the ‘troopers. Sabine and Zeb let loose a few bolts of their own as they turned back toward the Ghost as well.

Grabbing his comlink as he ran, Kanan yelled into it, “Spectre One to Ghost, we’re leaving!” Turning and firing a few more times, he carefully avoided hitting Kallus. As irritating as the man was as an enemy, he had made a valuable ally, and a good friend. After he defected, at least.

Kanan waited until Zeb had yanked Ezra onto the ship to actually board, then nodded to Sabine, who smiled as she pressed the detonator. As the explosion rocked the Star Destroyer around them, the Ghost took off, smoothly gliding out of the hanger and into open space. He felt the slight jolt that indicated they had entered hyperspace, and grabbed the medkit from the common room. As he made his way to the cockpit, Kanan heard Ezra talking to Hera.

“Thank you… I really didn’t think you’d come back for me.” Ezra was saying, and Kanan scowled as he walked up behind him.

“We shouldn’t’ve left you behind in the first place.” He sank into the copilot’s seat, gesturing at what was normally Sabine’s seat, and set the medkit down. “I need you to be honest with me, kid. Did they hurt you at all?”

Ezra gave him a suspicious look as he gingerly lowered himself into the indicated chair. “No. Why would you care?”

Kanan narrowed his eyes. Ezra had lied. Of course he’d lied, he didn’t trust them, and he certainly didn’t want them to think he was weak. “I care because it was partly my fault that you were there in the first place, and I care because I’m responsible for the crew in a mission. You were part of the crew for that mission. Ergo, you are my responsibility, so cut the crap and answer me honestly: did they hurt you?”

Beside him, Hera glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. Okay, maybe he needed to back off on the protectiveness a bit, but it had taken Ezra nearly a full year to be comfortable telling them when he got hurt. If Kanan could make that happen sooner this time around, he would. The kid had nearly died a couple times because he hadn’t trusted them enough to tell them he was hurt.

Ezra shifted back uncomfortably. “I’m fine.” Kanan raised an eyebrow, unamused, but didn’t say anything. Finally, Ezra’s shoulders sagged in defeat and he muttered, “Sprained my wrist and hit my head.”

Kanan nodded and opened up the medkit. “Can’t do much for your head, but we can wrap your wrist and give you some pain meds. Light duty, so they won’t make you loopy, but they’ll take the edge off the pain. Should help with the headache, too.”

As Kanan pulled out the gauze to wrap his wrist, Ezra frowned. “You don’t have to--”

Kanan rolled his eyes and cut him off. “Did you not hear what I said? My crew, my responsibility, if only for the one mission. Now, give me your arm.”

As he wrapped the injured wrist, Sabine walked in, took a look at Kanan playing nurse, and laughed. “Now that’s something you don’t see everyday. You okay, kid?”

Ezra gave her a goofy grin. “Better now that you’re here.” Without looking up, Kanan swatted his head, and the kid gave him a funny look, like he wasn’t sure why he’d done that.

Kanan just finished up wrapping Ezra’s wrist before handing him a couple of pills. “Water’s in the galley, unless you’re okay dry-swallowing.”

Hera smiled softly as Ezra got up. “Then we can get you home. I’m sure your parents are worried sick.”

Ezra stopped at the doorway, looking down so that his hair hid his face. “I don’t have parents.” Hera’s expression changed instantly, and Kanan had to bite his lip to keep from smiling as he could see the exact moment Hera decided that Ezra was now her responsibility. Sabine, too, looked sympathetic as she took her chair, and Kanan carefully schooled his expression to match.

Ezra glanced over his shoulder, and frowned slightly, like he wasn’t expecting them to care. “Besides,” he added, and Kanan knew he was deflecting, “you’ve got somewhere else to be. I overheard where they’re taking the Wookiees. Do you know what the ‘spice mines of Kessel’ are?”

Instantly, Hera’s posture changed into one of alarm. Sabine, too, whipped her head up, staring at Ezra with no small amount of horror in her face. “Slaves sent there last a few months, maybe a year.”

Hera nodded from the pilot’s seat. “And for Wookiees, born in the forest…”

“It’s a death sentence,” Kanan finished her thought. With a glance back at Ezra, he gave a half-hearted smile. “Good job, kid. Now take those painkillers. They’re not drugged, I promise.”

Ezra didn’t pout, exactly, but he got pretty close, as if he had been hoping that Kanan wouldn’t notice he hadn’t taken them. After popping them into his mouth with a noticeable glare at Kanan, he dropped into Zeb’s chair, propping his feet up on the console next to him. “So what’s our plan for rescuing them?”

“‘Our’?” Sabine looked at him in surprise, and Ezra shrugged with an easy grin.

“I’ve come this far. Might as well finish the job.”

_______

Finishing the job was just as eventful as it was last time. The only difference was that instead of Zeb ribbing Ezra right beforehand, Kanan pulled the kid aside and handed him a holdout blaster.

“It’s set to stun, so you don’t have to worry about hurting one of us if you miss, but it’ll be a lot more effective than that slingshot against ‘troopers should you need to fight some off.”

Ezra turned the weapon over in his hands, looking back and forth between it and Kanan in surprise. “You’re giving me a blaster?”

“I don’t like the idea of sending you into a potential firefight without something to fire back with. Just remember which end to point at the ‘troopers and to squeeze the trigger, and you’ll do fine.” Kanan patted him on the shoulder before going to stand next to Sabine in front of the loading ramp. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and centered himself, reaching out to feel the familiar presences around him, and the hum of the lightsaber on his belt.

Behind him, Ezra moved to stand next to Zeb, who gave him a guilty look before saying, “Hey, kid, try not to get dead out there.”

Whatever Ezra was going to say in response was cut off as the ramp lowered and Kanan charged out, blasting the closest Stormtroopers before ducking behind a stack of crates. Sabine crouched next to him, leaning around them to fire at the huddle of ‘troopers between them and the Wookiees. Kanan glanced to his left, where Ezra was crouching, clutching the little blaster a bit too tightly in both hands. At Kanan’s nod, he took off, ducking behind the crates in order to sneak past the ‘troopers to free the Wookiees.

While the kid snuck around, Kanan broke cover long enough to drop five ‘troopers in five shots. It’d been so long since he’d used his eyes to aim, he automatically used the Force instead, letting it guide his hand so that he didn’t hit the allies behind the targets. As he ducked down again and Zeb crouched next to him, he took another deep breath and closed his eyes. Keeping them closed, he broke cover again and shot three times. Three thuds vibrated through the platform.

A roar echoed across the platform, and Kanan opened his eyes to see Wullffwarro hoist the last ‘trooper into the air and throw him across the platform. Ezra sauntered between the tall beings, looking ridiculously pleased with himself. Kanan didn’t even try to suppress his smile this time, but right before he could say anything, blasterfire sounded behind them, and the Ghost lurched as the engines were hit.

They all whipped around to see three TIE fighters emerging from the clouds. The fighters fired again, this time at the platform, the blast throwing them all off their feet. With a groan, Kanan heaved himself up, grabbing Sabine and pulling her up as well. One of the TIEs had been shot down while they were recovering, and a transport ship had landed where the Ghost had been a moment before. As the transport’s ramp lowered, Kanan and Zeb herded the others behind a stack of crates, trying to put something between them and the now dozens of blaster rifles in enemy hands.

The blasterfire flew thick above their heads, making it dangerous to break cover for even a minute. Kanan growled as Sabine yelled something about not being able to get to the Ghost. Over the comms, Hera called out that she needed to move, she was getting boxed in, and Kanan was vaguely aware of telling her to give herself some breathing room and to get ready for a Twenty-Two Pickup, but he had submerged himself in the Force so far that he was only barely aware that the physical world existed. Every pot-shot he took brought down another trooper, and every enemy bolt sailed harmlessly over their heads. There was no danger to him or his friends. There was only the Force.

It was Ezra’s voice that brought him out of his trance. “Twenty-Two Pickup? Care to let me in on the secret?”

With a wry grin, Kanan turned to him. “Kid, I’m about to let everyone in on the secret.” Standing, he climbed over the crates in a few swift steps, gracefully dodging the blasterbolts that sailed past his ears. As he calmly walked forward, he unhooked the two pieces of his lightsaber from his belt, twisting them together and igniting it in a salute to the enemy, before falling into the opening stance of Form Three.

Kallus’s expression was priceless. In the back of his mind, Kanan found himself wishing he could take a holo of this moment for blackmail purposes later, but he instead focused on the ISB agent’s next order.

“All troops, concentrate fire on-- on the _Jedi._ ”


	3. Reconnecting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and for your comments and kudos! you have no idea how overjoyed it makes me to know that someone likes what I'm doing.  
> This chapter is a lot of dialogue as I was trying to set the scene for the rest of the story and trying to find their voices. Sorry if it's a bit boring, but the next several parts are kind of angsty with a bit more action, so hopefully that will make up for it.

The moment she could be spared from the cargo bay, where she had been acting as translator for those of the crew that didn’t speak Shyriiwook, Kanan grabbed Sabine by the arm and dragged her to the common room, where Zeb, Chopper, and Ezra were gathered. Hera was in the cockpit, plotting a course to the rendezvous with Fulcrum’s contact. 

Gently shoving Sabine into the crash couch, Kanan grabbed the medkit and nodded at her left arm, internally smirking as he saw Ezra move out of the corner of his eye as he passed him. “Let me see that.”

“What are you, my mother?” Sabine grumbled.

Kanan scowled. “You were shot. It needs to be disinfected and have bacta put on it.”

“I was not shot!” Sabine protested. At Kanan’s incredulous look, she admitted, “okay, I was  _ grazed _ , but it’s not that bad! I can take care of it myself.”

“It’s on the side of your arm, nearly on your shoulder, and you want to put bacta on it yourself?” Kanan shook his head in amused disbelief. “Just take your pauldron off. I’ll do it.”

As he pulled out a disinfectant wipe, Sabine reluctantly did as he asked, grumbling, “You’re just being a regular worrywart today. You were even fussing over Ezra.” When Kanan didn’t say anything, she frowned. “How’d you know where I was hit?”

“You were radiating pain. I could feel it through the Force. Here,” he handed her a couple of the more heavy-duty pain meds. “You’re gonna want to sleep this off.”

From his seat next to the table, Zeb snorted. “Didn’t think you paid attention to the Force anymore.”

“Hard to ignore it when it screams in your face so hard you pass out.” Kanan finished applying the bacta patch to Sabine’s arm and leaned back, satisfied with his work.

“What’s the Force?” Ezra asked, watching them all curiously.

Zeb gawked at him for a second before shaking his head. “I’m not sure if that’s incredible or just depressing. You don’t know what the Force is? Karabast… you’ve probably never even heard of the Jedi.”

“I’ve heard of the Jedi!” Ezra protested, then blinked and looked at Kanan in amazement. “Wait, you’re actually a Jedi? I thought the Jedi were all gone!”

“Not all of us,” Kanan said tiredly as he put everything back in the medkit. “But to answer your original question, the Force is what gives a Jedi his abilities. It’s an energy field that binds the galaxy together.”

“And the Jedi could use it?” Ezra leaned forward, eyes bright with curiosity.

Kanan nodded with a chuckle. “Force-wielders can use it. The Jedi are Force-wielders, yes, but they aren’t the only ones. The Jedi are just a subset of Force-wielders; the main thing that separates us from the other Force-wielders is that we use the Light Side. We channel the Force through focus, discipline, and calmness. The other main subset are the Sith. They channel the Dark Side by letting their fear and hate control them. There are other Force-wielders, but those are the main two. Although,” here he gave a pained grimace, “there aren’t terribly many of either at the moment.”

Sabine snorted slightly. “Understatement.” She stood as she fixed her pauldron. “I’m gonna go take a nap. Wake me when we get there.”

As she walked out, Chopper following her, Ezra turned back to Kanan, and Kanan had to internalize a groan. He knew that look. Ezra had about a million questions and was going to ask all of them without stopping for breath or allowing Kanan time to answer any of them.

“So, the Dark Side’s bad? Does that mean the Jedi think emotions are bad? What can the Force do? Is there anything a Jedi  _ can’t  _ do with it? Can anyone be a Jedi, or only Force-sensitives?” Ezra fired off the questions like blasterbolts, and Kanan raised his hands in a placating gesture.

“Woah, woah, woah, slow down. One at a time. Yes, the Dark Side’s bad. You start using it, it’s hard to stop, and you can’t control yourself. No, Jedi don’t think emotions are bad, you just can’t let them control you. There are several things Jedi can’t do with the Force, but the limits are mostly your imagination, control, and power. For instance, almost all Jedi could lift a rock. The more powerful ones could lift starships like this one. The most powerful could bring capital ships down from orbit. It just depends on the Jedi.”

Kanan took a moment to deliberate his answer to Ezra’s last question. Last time, they’d had this conversation in private, and hadn’t covered everything, namely the Dark Side. Now, with Zeb watching and the display on Kessel fresh on everyone’s minds, he knew he needed to tell Ezra about his sensitivity. 

“All Jedi are Force-wielders, though not all Force-wielders are Jedi. So, no, most people can’t be Jedi. But then again--” he fixed Era with a piercing gaze “--most people can’t do a triple somersault ten feet into the air and stick the landing without some sort of springboard.”

As Ezra’s eyes widened at the implication, Zeb frowned. “Wait, did someone do that?”

“He did.” Kanan answered without tearing his eyes off of the kid.

“Karabast…” Zeb muttered, looking at Ezra in awe. 

Ezra stared at Kanan for a moment before finding his voice. “I’m a  _ Jedi _ ?”

With a laugh, Kanan sat back. “Not yet. With the right training, you could be. You’re strong in the Force, Ezra, maybe stronger than me. Otherwise, you’d never have been able to open the holocron.”

“The what?” Ezra asked, trying to look innocent.

Kanan just sighed and held out his hand, automatically reaching out over their bond to press the idea of ‘ _ give it back _ ’ into Ezra’s mind, only to start slightly when he actually felt the bond. It was weak, fragile even, but undeniably there, and probably had been since they’d met again. A thrill of joy shot through Kanan as he realized that the galaxy was starting to get back to the way it was supposed to be.

Ezra stiffened slightly as he felt the thought that wasn’t his own brush against his mind, but he reluctantly pulled the holocron out of the inside pocket of his jacket. The corners of the device were rotated, a clear sign that it had, indeed, been opened. Kanan set it on the dejarik table, trying not to smile at the confused look on Zeb’s face. 

“Okay,” the Lasat said, “I’m fairly certain that’s Kanan’s, so how’d you end up with it?”

“He stole it.”

“I borrowed it.”

As their voices overlapped, Kanan gave Ezra an incredulous look. “Borrowed it, huh? Were you planning on giving it back, or selling it for a few credits?” Without giving Ezra a chance to answer, he continued, “Only a Force-sensitive who draws on the Light Side can open this. I’m guessing it opened for you when you tried to calm down?”

Ezra nodded, then after a moment or two of silence, asked, “So that sound I hear, like singing, is that because I’m Force-sensitive?”

“That’s the Force. Usually that means it’s trying to get your attention, or there’s something or someone nearby that is using it or strong with it. That thing that tells you to dodge a blasterbolt before it’s fired or duck a punch before it’s thrown? That’s the Force. Listening to it is one of a Jedi’s most important skills,” Kanan answered, noting distantly that Hera had moved from the cockpit and was now standing in the door to the common room.

“So….” Ezra drew the word out. “That thing that was singing back on the platform, during the firefight, that was the Force? What was making it do that?”

Kanan gave a soft exhale, somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. “Me, I think. I might have just discovered how to do battle meditation, but it’s a rare ability, so I’m not completely sure.”

“What’s battle meditation?” Zeb asked, breaking his silence as he shifted forward in his seat, focusing on Kanan with open curiosity on his face. It wasn’t often that Kanan talked about the Force, or the Jedi, so Zeb was probably as fascinated by the history lesson as Ezra was.

“It’s… well, it lets me bolster my allies and demoralize my enemies. It’s subtle, but… did you notice that the ‘troopers were worse shots than normal?”

Zeb snorted. “Not really. I did notice that we were better than normal. You were even shooting with your eyes closed.”

“He was  _ what _ ?” Hera demanded from the doorway, her voice startling both Zeb and Ezra, the latter nearly falling off his seat.

Kanan smiled at her, letting his amusement at the others’ reactions show. “Relax, I didn’t hit anyone we cared about. And unlike Sabine, I wasn’t hurt. It’s fine.”

“Sabine was hurt?” Hera demanded, looking like she was two seconds from barging into Sabine’s room herself to give the Mandalorian an earful, but Kanan raised a hand, his lack of concern helping ease her fears a little.

“I already looked after it, she’s just napping. How far out are we?”

Hera huffed slightly as she slid onto the couch next to him. “Just a couple of hours. The Wookiees are settled in okay?” At Kanan’s nod, she relaxed ever so slightly before noticing the holocron on the table. “Giving him a history lesson, I take it?”

Zeb snorted. “When the kid isn’t asking him questions, yeah. It’s actually kind of interesting.”

“Kind of?” Ezra looked at Zeb in bafflement. Turning back to Kanan, he leaned forward in his seat, eyeing the holocron with narrowed eyes. “So what exactly is that thing?”

“A holocron.” Kanan answered with a slight smirk. At Ezra’s eye roll, his smirk widened a bit and he added, “It’s basically a Jedi library. It stores knowledge, but it’s been attuned to the Force so that only those who are channeling the Light Side can open it. To everyone else, it’s just a pretty cube.”

Ezra nodded slowly, like he was digesting this information, then rested his chin on his hand. “When I gave it back, there was this… voice, telling me what to do. Was that the Force, too?”

Kanan pursed his lips, casually wrapping an arm around Hera’s shoulders. “Sort of.”

“That’s a yes or no question.”

With a roll of his eyes, Kanan answered, “It was me, talking through the Force. Hence the ‘sort of.’”

Zeb straightened. “Wait, Jedi can read minds? Karabast, you can’t read mine, can you? I don’t want you always knowing what I’m thinking.”

Kanan laughed. “No, Zeb, I’m not a telepath. There were some Jedi who specialized at reading other people’s emotions, sometimes picking up on their thoughts, but I’m not one of them. I can feel your emotions sometimes, when they’re strong, but that’s just because I’m familiar with your Force signature. Other Force-sensitives are… different. Normally, I’d just feel that they were there, if they were shielding. If they weren’t, I’d be able to intrude on their thoughts a bit, pick up on what they were thinking, but they’d feel it quickly and kick me out.”

“Then how’d you talk to me?” Ezra’s expression was rapt, his attention focused solely on Kanan’s words, and Kanan had to smile. It had been a while since he’d had to teach Ezra something like this, a basic aspect of the Force, and it made him strangely nostalgic. Mentally, he shook himself, reminding himself that he was literally reliving the days he was nostalgic for, and he needed to focus on the present. 

With a sigh, he explained, “I said that was normally. In our case, it’s slightly… different. I’m not sure when, but we’ve formed a Force-bond. Since I know your next question is going to be ‘what the hell is that,’” here Ezra snorted and Hera smiled, both amused that he could already anticipate the kid’s questions, “it’s a link between our minds that allows us to communicate, sense each other’s locations and state of well-being, and generally be aware of the other person. It’s useful, but there are a few disadvantages. If one of the two people bonded gets hurt, the other can usually feel an echo of the pain, unless the first one is shielding. And if one of the two dies…” Kanan swallowed hard, suddenly realizing that in the first timeline, Ezra would have felt that pain, because of Kanan’s decision to sacrifice himself. Promising himself he’d do everything in his power to make sure that didn’t happen in this timeline, he pressed on. “It hurts. Like losing a limb.”

As Hera hugged him a bit harder, understanding that he was speaking from personal experience, Ezra frowned. “If it’s that dangerous, why have them?”

Kanan cleared his throat to get rid of the unwanted emotion that had crept into his voice. “Well, usually they develop over time between a Master and an apprentice, or Padawan, as they were called. They were a teaching tool, used to pass concepts a student didn’t understand directly from the Master’s mind, or to check up on them and make sure they were okay. Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but being a Jedi isn’t exactly a safe occupation; never has been. So they do have their uses, even if they have their drawbacks.”

“How long do they normally take to form?” Ezra looked curious, and Zeb, too, turned to give him an expectant look.

Kanan sighed. “Usually? Months. Sometimes years.”

“So how do you two have one now?” Zeb rumbled, looking perplexed.

“Well, occasionally the Force gets pushy,” Kanan said with a joking edge to his voice. “It’ll decide that this ‘Master’ and this ‘Padawan’ are meant to be together and--” he pulled his arm from around Hera to make a gesture with both hands like he was smushing two things together “-- it’ll spontaneously form a bond. It’s rare, but it does happen.”

“So…” Ezra trailed off, his brow furrowed. “The Force wants you to train me?”

Kanan sighed as he settled his arm around Hera again. “It looks that way.”

Hera gave Ezra a soft smile. “If you decide that’s what you want, we’d be more than happy to have you on board. This last mission already showed that we can use someone with your skill set, and I know you want to help others. I can’t guarantee that you’ll be safe, but we look out for our own. I promise.”

Zeb was looking back and forth between Hera and Kanan, and Ezra. “Wait, you’re just offering him a spot like that?” When Kanan and Hera both gave him pointed looks, he raised his hands defensively. “I’m thinking logistically. There’s no spare bunks! Where’s he gonna sleep?”

“Someone can double up,” Kanan said, somehow managing to make his gaze more pointed so that Zeb would read between the lines. “It’s the least we can do, all things considered.”

Guilt flashed across Zeb’s face, causing his ears to droop, and he shifted uncomfortably. “Well, I mean, I s’pose he can have the other bunk in my room. Long as he doesn’t snore.”

“Pretty sure he’s not gonna be the one that snores,” Kanan said with a wry grin. Turning to Ezra, who was staring at them with his mouth hanging open, he raised an eyebrow. “What do you say, kid? Wanna become a Spectre?” Ezra gaped at him for a moment, flapping his mouth open, and Kanan softened his smile a bit as he stood and moved toward the door. “It’s okay if you don’t decide right this minute, and it’s okay if you decide you don’t want to stay. But if you do decide to stay, let me know.” The door to the common room hissed open as he approached it, and Kanan turned back to Ezra, letting his smirk show again. “Then you can return my lightsaber.”

Hera’s and Zeb’s squawks of surprise echoed through the door as Kanan headed back to his room to meditate.

_______

“You really want him to stay onboard, don’t you?” Hera asked from the doorway.

Kanan huffed slightly without opening his eyes. “We hit a shatterpoint so big I don’t just feel it, I kriffing  _ pass out _ because of it, just a few days before we meet this kid who I almost immediately form a Force bond with. Yes, I want him to stay. And I think the Force does, too.”

“Well, far be it from me to deny the will of the Force,” Hera said only slightly sarcastically before sitting down on the bed next to him. “How’re you holding up, love? I know this must be a lot.”

Kanan cracked open an eye and glanced at her before sending her a reassuring smile. “I’ll be okay. I know it’s a lot, and I’m sorry for not asking you about all of--” he gestured vaguely at the rest of the ship “-- this, but from what you said in the cockpit earlier, I figured that if I didn’t offer, you would.”

Hera pursed her lips. “That’s fine, love. I meant the whole Jedi thing. I know you’ve basically been ignoring it until a few days ago, and now you might be about to get an apprentice. I’m honestly surprised you’re taking this so calmly.”

“Padawan.” At Hera’s confused expression, he added, “The correct term is Padawan, not apprentice. And it’s not like I didn’t have some warning that something was about to happen.”

“You think he’ll stay?”

Kanan hummed slightly. “I do.”

After a beat, Hera rose. “I need to get to the cockpit, we’ll be meeting with the transport soon. Let me know when he makes his decision, okay?”

“I will,” Kanan called after her as the door quietly hissed shut behind her, smiling softly as he felt Ezra’s Force signature leave the dorsal gun turret, where he’d retreated shortly after Kanan had left the common room. He’d made his decision, then.

A minute later, the door hissed open again, and Kanan looked up slowly, the smile still on his face as he saw Ezra shift uncomfortably in the doorway, Kanan’s lightsaber gripped tightly in his hand. 

Standing slowly, Kanan moved forward as Ezra did the same, waiting until the kid reluctantly handed the lightsaber back to reach out and take it. As he rested his other hand on Ezra’s shoulder, he sent a quick wave of pride and joy through the bond, letting Ezra know he was happy with Ezra’s choice. Ezra gave him a timid smile, like he was still uncertain, but that was alright. He was here, and in that moment, Kanan felt the universe become a little bit brighter, as the future shifted closer to how it was supposed to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, battle meditation is an actual, canonical Jedi ability! Notable users include Nomi Sunrider, Bastila Shan, and Master Yoda. Kanan's explanation of how it works is pretty much just me summing up the Wookiepedia article on it. Since Kanan's previous strength (Force sight) is kind of useless to him now (because he can see and all that), I wanted to give him a new strength that made sense with his character and abilities, but didn't make him too overpowered. Battle meditation felt like a good fit.  
> I'm going to try to space out updates to every couple of days, but no promises on when in the day the update's going to be put up. My work schedule's weird, but I'll try to get a new chapter/part of the story out every two or so days.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic that I've published. I'm a bit nervous about publishing it- I have no idea what I'm doing- but it's done so I have no excuse. I'll try to update every few days, but no promises about a schedule. It is finished, though.  
> This story started out as a 'what-if,' then turned into a multi-part story. One of my biggest pet peeves about time travel au's is that they never seem to fully acknowledge the consequences of the changes. I've tried to indicate how the changes that occur affect everything else, but it's a big universe. I can't discuss everything.  
> I think that's enough rambling. Comments and Kudos are welcome!  
> Edit: I realized that if Kanan dies in 1 BBY and the show starts in 4 BBY, then I can't do math. I fixed the summary, though, so we're all good now.


End file.
